30 January 2010

Wide awake

"Without sleep, the brain is more like a messy desk full of teetering stacks of papers - it's harder to remember where the most important information is, much less apply that information at the right time."
from the 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program by Polly Moore

This is by far the best description of the affects of sleep deprivation that I have read. This is why you can walk into the kitchen and have forgotten why you are there in the first place. This is why the cereal box ends up in the fridge and the milk ends up in the pantry. This is why sometimes you wonder how safe it is to be driving a car. This is why you lock yourself out of the house, more than once. This is why you forget the coffee date you made this afternoon.

So now that we have a baby who sleeps "through the night", why the %@^#* am I still so tired? And why the %$#* are my eyeballs wide awake at 3am?

It is the sad and ironic reality that my body and psyche have actually adapted to the night wakings, similar to how we can adapt to the alarm clock ringing at 6am during the week, making it impossible to sleep in on the weekends. I guess I just have to be patient, and let my body gently relax into the fact that noone needs to be awake at 3am.

In addition, as my body starts to soak in the missing sleep, it may actually become more tired, as it transitions to having more sleep regularly. Another irony, that I simply need to accept and be patient with.

It probably doesn't help that it is 11:22pm and I should have been asleep an hour and 22 minutes ago instead of writing this post and answering emails. But this time is so precious - so quiet, so calm - and so mine! Who on earth would want to waste it sleeping?

So on that note, good night!

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