Slow down, you move too fast..

I wasn't really reading the NY Times in April - I was navigating those first blissful and hazy weeks of new motherhood. So it is no surprise that I missed this article/conversation with Carl Honore, author of Under Pressure, a book about what has been termed the "slow parenting" movement.

And really, the article is worth reading and I hope the book is worth reading too, as I just placed it in my shopping cart - Christmas present to myself.

This is a topic I think about everyday - everyday as I watch the nugget navigate his world and then watch how I react to him. As he has gotten more capable, I have wanted to become more capable - more productive, more efficient, more like the old me. But the old me didn't have a little side kick. So there is no old me to go back to. So when I drag him around - to get groceries at Trader Joes, ink cartridges at OfficeDepot and vegetables at Rainbow - and he at some point breaks down in the basket of yet another shopping cart, I think to myself...what am I going so fast for? What does he need? And really, he just wants my attention. He wants me to stop and look at the ceiling fan that is spinning above. He wants me to stop and see the woman filling the bins with multi-colored grains. He wants me to stop and see what he is all seeing for the very first time. He wants me to see what I take for granted every day.

What I like about the author is that he defines slow parenting not as snails pace or slow pace, but the right pace. It doesn't mean being slow, it means choosing the right speed. The right speed for the place, the time, the location, the child, the situation. And knowing what pace to take means paying attention, lots of attention.

I have noticed lately how much I want to speed things up. I see toddlers with their trikes and think about which one to get for the nugget. Or Duplos or Brio or Playmobile. All those fun things in our future, but really, I still have a baby. A baby who sticks anything and everything into his mouth, who is just figuring how to scoot across the floor on his tummy and who is amazed when he can pull himself on anything that will hold his weight. That is where we are - that is where he is. There is nothing to push or hurry.

But we are in a forward thinking culture - better, bigger, faster. And we want to do what is best for our babies - give them the best, offer them the best, be the best, make them the best. But in this race, I think that we are forgetting to stop and reflect and then we say "I don't know where the time has gone." or "Enjoy this stage, because before you know it, they will be asking for the car keys." So obviously, time moves at its own momentum, without us pressing fast forward.

There is indeed a time to every purpose under heaven. For now, let them be babies. Let them need you. Let them sleep in the middle. Let them play longer. Let them be fascinated with ceiling fans.

iphone envy

On Wednesdays, the nugget goes on a date with his girlfriend. Her name is Alex. Some might call her a babysitter, I call her an angel. She gives me sanity and peace and time to just be by myself. And when I get home, they are both all smiles - I never really know who is enjoying themselves more.

She has an iphone and took this picture. And then she emailed it right away. I love it because it is simply a snapshot of a moment in time - a smirk that she just happened to catch at exactly the right moment.

So, I think I envy her iphone. I think I might be the last person on earth without one - I mean, my mom even has one. Go figure.

Wondering

It's inevitable - whenever I think, "Um, something is up. I wonder what is going on with the nugget", I open up the big red book and sure enough the world has changed again.

The nugget world that is.

This time it is the world of categories, in which his little brain starts to realize that some things belong together in groups while other don't. It is a developmental leap that involves his whole being and every sense he's got - sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. So, it makes only sense that he tires easily, cries easily and has the most serious, pensive look on his face, most of the time.

This developmental leap tends to have many defining characteristics, but the ones that seem extremely pertinent to us at the moment are:

- Gets bored easily
- Gets anxious and frustrated when mom walks around
- Demands mama's full attention, even if he is interested in something else
- Sweet + Sour (or I like to call this Jekyl + Hyde) - one minute sugar and spice and the next, well...I can't use that word here
- Listlessness (moments of staring into space)
- Hating the diaper changing routine
- Babyish regression (wobbly, needy, etc)
- Whimpering, all day long

Sound familiar anyone?

What I have to trust, is that again, this too will pass. And that it is my job to love him even the rough patches - even the grating-on-my-nerves whimpering.

My job to love it all. My job to love it all. My job to love it all. My job to love it all. My job to love it all.

Babies?

Usually when something crosses my path twice, from two different sources of equal influence in my life, I pay attention. The first time I heard about Babies, I was intrigued. The second time, I knew I needed to write about it.



This is the story - of four babies, in four countries - Mongolia, Namibia, United States and Japan - during their first year of life. How, in the end and I suppose at the beginning, our similarities are universal, our differences not that important. A baby, is a baby, is a baby - no matter where you are.

I have been thinking about this subject with every new decision I have to make concerning the nugget. During our travels the year before he was born, we saw babies in slings on 8 year olds in Laos, babies in hand-made hammocks in Thailand, babies on 6 hour bus rides in Ecaudor, babies on mopeds in Vietnam, babies without diapers everywhere. Babies without safety straps, or hand sanitizer, or organic pureed pears. Babies without sippy cups and plastic bibs. Babies without cribs and co-sleepers and nurseries. Babies with love, babies with joy and babies with little if no melt-downs.

So, I am overly excited to see this film - for its beauty and perhaps more the reminder that in fact, with very little, much happiness is possible. And that in the end - babies need us and that is all.

And tonight, my fortune cookie read...

Be prepared to modify your plans.

And that made me smile.

Away we go...

Last week was a rough week. I cleaned up more bodily fluids from one baby and one husband than I thought was possible. It's not fun. And I don't feel well either, but that doesn't really seem to matter.

It was Friday night - and somehow I got them both to pass out. So, I took my old broken lap top that has a wonderfully large screen and a DVD drive installed, put in the movie, plugged in the headphones, got into bed and indulged.

I am a bit behind, so perhaps Away We Go is old news to everyone, but to me it was a little unexpected piece of yummy pie. I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more. If you have recently had a baby, are having a baby, are thinking of having a baby or just love sweet out-of-the box love stories, this one is just perfect.

At the end, I was in love again with my two sickly boys. And all was again well in the universe.

maus + nugget

I got some of the pictures back from a photoshoot that a friend did for me a few weeks ago. Here we are.