25 April 2009

This says it all

{written on april 24th

Really, this just says it all. I know new parents are tired - it is part of the package. But it really isn't until you experience it yourself that you realize what it really feels like. I was one of those people who NEEDED 8 hours of continuous sleep - 9 would even be better. And now, it has been exactly 33 days since my last 8 hour stretch of sleep and though I feel I shouldn't operate heavy machinery or make major financial decisions, the foggy haze is partly blissful, partly delirious and partly tolerable. In fact, it is becoming normal. So yes, someday I suppose I will sleep 8 hours again, but for now I am so ever grateful for the 2 hours I can indulge in as my perfect little nugget dozes into slumber land to the rythmic glide of the world's greatest invention: the mechanical swing.

Sweet dreams.

18 April 2009

The sweet spot

Somewhere in between seasonal/local/organic and the yellow can of Velveeta spray cheese is the best that I can do. Somewhere between 8 glasses of water and total dehydration is the best that I can do. Somewhere between 30 minutes of meditation a day or an extra 30 minutes of sleep is the best that I can do. This new role as mother is making me hyper aware of that sweet spot that lies in between the polar opposites - that sweet spot that I will call the "best that I can do" for it is only with total exhaustion that one realizes the insanity that we drive ourselves to - the insanity of perfection, of getting it right, or doing the noble and righteous thing. When really, I can only do the best that I can do.

The gracious women of my women's circle have been delivering food since Kirian arrived, each taking a turn to visit and gift us with delicious morsels. What stood out was this - "I am so sorry - it's not homemade. I bought it, okay." Spoken with a sheepish tone of resignation and perhaps a bit of guilt. But why? We put this pressure on ourselves to work hard and then still somehow find time to prepare a roast and scalloped potatoes.

So women, we have loved the quinoa chili, the chinese chicken salad, the sliced cheese and cold-cuts for sandwhiches, the stuffed peppers from Whole Foods and we love you for loving us enough to take care of us. For in the end, it is all about the time and energy you give to others - not the ingredients. As my friend Jen said today - "I know why moms buy pre-sliced cheese - because they don't have the time or the free hand to actually cut it". So women, by kind to yourselves, give yourselves a break and buy the sliced cheese.