22 November 2009

Me too.

Sometimes its the last line that says it all.

In the case of the first Chapter of Momma Zen, its dead on.

My mom gave me this book last Christmas - almost a year ago - when I had a big round tummy and a due date around the end of March. I think I started reading it the next morning, diligently highlighting the words of wisdom that I thought would have some relevance for this new journey into motherhood. I highlighted, I agreed, I got to Chapter 7 and I stopped. I am not exactly sure when that was, but I just remember feeling like I was not ready for the realities of her words and the realities of the lessons that were so inevitably in my path. I needed to stay in the moment - and my moment was 7 months pregnant.

So now, about 10 months after putting it down, I am picking it up again. And reading one chapter every Sunday, until I get to the end. That way, instead of simply highlighting and taking it all in at the same time and therefore retaining nothing, I will slow down and try to digest it properly.

And it's amazing what happens when you re-read something several times. Different words pop off the page and different sentences strike different places in your heart - even though nothing on the page has changed. But you have changed. Of all the things I highlighted these many months ago, today, on this day 8 months exactly since the nugget was born, there are 2 sentences that for me run circles around the rest:

It {your life as a mother} will prove how capable and creative you are, how boundless and free. You are just not likely to believe it right away. {Momma Zen, p. 8}

I have always wondered about women who are mothers who say they aren't creative. The fact is that you can't be a mother and not be creative. And it has nothing to do with glitter or knitting needles. Its every soothed cry, every no turned into a yes, every made up song used to get through the line at the grocery store. It is true that I considered myself a capable and creative person before becoming a mother, but somehow this is different. How, I am not quite sure yet. And the boundless and free part, well that just makes me excited for what lies ahead.

And secondly,
I know. I understand. Me too. {Momma Zen, p. 8)

This is it - these may just be the only 6 words that I ever need to hear. Ever. Because they are the only ones that help when your hair isn't washed, your clothes are spit up on, your thoughts are consumed with your lack of sleep, your baby is on a boob strike and you just ran into one of those moms whose hair is perfectly straightened, her white shirt is pressed, her purse is actually a purse and not a 10 pound diaper suitcase and she is actually accessorized with a necklace and shiny battle flats.

Because, I am not alone in this. Ever. Not matter what it is. And neither are you.

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